Have posted a mini-truckload of stuff on Tumblr instead of working on my lecture on Italian Westerns (Sept 3 isn’t all that far). Wondering how long I’ll be spending on the beach in Dante’s Purgatory, where the souls of lazy procrastinators must wait, motionless, until the Authorities Above decide that they may start atoning.
here’s a definitive and totally subjective rating of davids
donatello: 3/10 honestly pretty embarrassing, but worth a mention. just your run-of-the-mill, oh-you-haven’t-heard-we’re-copying-classical-greek-sculpture-now david. stiff, awkward, and pretty dopey looking twunk. has the same expression of someone being told dona-fucking-tello sculpted this. can’t even hold his slingshot bc it’s too gay. don’t worry there’s a redemption arc on its way.
donatello pt 2: 9/10 fucking superb you funky little gay man. total glow up. a complete deviation from the norm by a well-known deviant. takes contrapposto to sultry new heights. look at this lad’s little hat and boots he’s not a nude he’s just naked. some people say goliath’s head is modeled off of donatello himself literally he was horny enough he said “step on me” in full fucking bronze. goliath’s helmet has little gay greek reliefs on it, not even remotely subtle. look at the feather going up his thigh and tell me u didn’t cross your legs when you did. commissioned by the medici for their palace, which makes it even cooler by association.
verocchio: 8/10 ily baby a perfectly fine lad, looking at him makes me smile. his little dress is so cute with its stylized arabic psuedo-script border, and the floral pasties? adorable. something about goliath’s head feels a little disjointed, but you know what? fuck him. he’s not important. david’s the real star here in his little cheerleader get up. what really makes me biased towards this one is that the model was supposedly verocchio’s star student, the young leonardo da vinci. and look how fucking radiant he is! love it.
michelangelo: 7/10 technically this thing’s great. look at the fucking veins on the hand that’s absolutely mental. but all in all it lacks the overtly homosexual intrigue of some other davids and, frankly, i expected more from well-documented gay disaster michelangelo. obviously a classic but also makes it prone to being too over-saturated. i do love his yaoi hands though.
bernini: 11/10 the man the myth the fucking legend! bernini always delivers and this david’s no expception. look at that movement! the drama! the whole thing screams baroque in the best possible way with the dynamism, the momentary narrative, that cute lil scrunched up face. only complaint is that it isn’t as good as some of bernini’s other work but i’m willing to let it go for the detailing on the fucking rope goddamn gian lorenzo you absolute madman. we stan a sculpting legend.
Someone I was in love with referred to Arthur and Merlin as “the wee boys”. She is not on Tumblr, but I hope she knows that I am still thinking of her.
First of all, thank you for entrusting me with this important question. I take beards almost as seriously as @old-long-john does (I do feel like she’d be even more qualified to answer this question, but I’ll do my best).
To answer this question, I’ll need visual aid, and I’ll use the scene which we all know ended in kissing even though the BS Dads never showed it to us. Thanks in advance for your gifs @iwt-v:
(Gosh, this is really difficult to look at, eww™)
Okay, so I can see how you would think that their beards might tangle together because if you look at that pubetastic situation Silver has going on circa his chin, it looks really kinky and stringy and like it would cling to everything that moves. That beard looks NEEDY. To quote my good friend @significanceofmoths, throw Silver at any pirate other than Flint and it would be like velcro.
But Flint, well, he is a… how you say… ah yes, an ardent homosexual who dutifully grooms his beard. That shit looks soft, well-conditioned, and shaped with, dare I say, mephistophelean precision. That beard has structure and integrity and it ain’t getting tangled with anything, because that would be undignified.
But you know what probably WOULD get stuck to Flint’s face if they were kissing? Silver’s hair. I have very similar hair and whenever I’ve kissed bearded humans, it would often get caught on their face. It’s probably a good thing Silver knows to keep it back, so that they can kiss properly without those curls getting all up where they don’t belong. (Although tbh Flint would kiss those curls and GLADLY.)
Anon, I hope this answers your question, but as I usually say at work, please do not hesitate to reach out if there’s any other way I can assist 😉
LOVE McGonagall. The Bridge on the Silver Tay is one of the world’s poetic masterpieces. I have been sending it to friends for 30 years. Will reproduce parts if it if you can’t find it elsewhere.
mici's campfire 