mici's campfire

marty-mia-matt:

On Silver & Flint: in which I ramble and make everything sad(der)

(As usual, please keep in mind these are just entirely subjective personal opinions, and not even super well-thought out, at that.)

The relationship between Silver & Flint becomes approximately 1000 times more heartbreaking, in light of everything that happens throughout the series and culminating in season 4, if we interpret it as being fundamentally “one-sided”.

It’s a matter of being on different wave lenghts, and essentially attributing different meanings to the same words/values; meaning that even when these two are communicating (and boy sometimes they’re terrible at doing that), they ultimately mean different things, and therefore they are not fully understanding each other. And this isn’t just Silver or just Flint; it’s a… mutual lack of understanding.

I’m going to try and explain myself.

For Silver, for example, “loving someone” translates to ultimately wanting to protect them, even at the cost of other people’s lives, or at the cost of the “bigger picture”. Whereas for Flint, personal feelings are most definitely a driving force, but his love for the people he holds dear is incorporated into his design for social changes that he wants to pursue. It’s also worth noting that the series depicts (as far as we explicitly know, at least) Silver as someone who was alone and comes to care for others, while Flint is someone who has loved and lost. This is probably a significant factor in how differently they experience relationships. When Silver “learns” to care and to feel the attachment that Flint has presumably already experienced, his own instinct becomes that of prioritizing the people he cares about. Which isn’t to say that Flint doesn’t care, of course, but as it’s been noted before in the fandom, a simplified explanation of the conflict between Silver and Flint can be summed up by the conflict of pragmatism (or “private”) (S) vs idealism (or “social/political” (F).

Second example: for Silver, “trust” means becoming someone Flint can rely on, who will continue to do what favors Flint even at times when he doesn’t personally understand or condone it. But, as evidenced in the last episodes of s4, it also means that there are certain parts of his past and identity he will not share, even though Silver probably knows that Flint would know how to take them in. I got the feeling that Silver’s reluctance has a bit more to do with himself, with the insufficient elaboration of whatever trauma he went through, rather than with Flint.

(Incidentally, I relate to Silver in this regard because, although I have many friends I love and trust dearly, there are parts of myself, things that I… I can never really disclose, I cannot bring myself to. Even though I know I wouldn’t be judged negatively. They’re not even necessarily big, traumatic things, for me; but there’s something in me refusing to expose all of myself, even to the people closest to me. I don’t love them any less for this. I interpret Silver’s behavior in a similar manner.)

Meanwhile, for Flint, “trust” seems to have something to do with finding few, rare people with whom he can hope to have a more genuine connection in a life where he is usually forced to maintain a facade based on lies and a constructed identity. For someone who is as invested in the theme of the narrative surrounding him, one of the crucial moments in the relationship to Silver seems to be when Flint chooses to share his past with him. The fact that Silver cannot reciprocate that gesture can only be taken personally (and heartbreakingly!) by Flint.

Regardless of whether you interpret their relationship as platonic or romantic, I think a lot of the tragedy between them comes from the fact that they talk to each other “but they don’t share a language”. Each seems to expect the other to act and think through his own “set of lenses”, sometimes failing to understand that on a deeper level, their experiences and personalities are deeply different. So while they do share an excellent coordination, an ability to cooperate and complement each other, I also feel that there are times where they are not truly “hearing” each other.

Aside from the purely romantic ship (which I do ship, quite enthusiastically!), the bond between them is undeniable, which is why I think it’s made more tragic by the undertone of not truly being able to fully connect with each other until an almost irreparable fall-out begins to happen.

Interestingly, I also think this “fundamental difference” could be connected to a romantic/sexual orientation angle. If we consider Flint as a queer man and Silver as a heterosexual man, strictly based on what the canon shows, we also see why James’ love has a social and political connotation, in a homophobic society that destroyed him and everything he loved precisely because of it. Certainly, Silver is a white man who falls in love with a Black woman in a society who is also virulently racist; but because Madi is a woman, one could argue that, at least in the context of the outlaw community where he operates, their love isn’t showed to be opposed in that same way, at least by the other pirates. Again, obviously, what the mainstream English society of the time thinks is another matter entirely, but in the show we don’t see John and Madi to be directly persecuted for their relationship. Which, again, let me be very clear, doesn’t mean that Madi isn’t a victim of oppression and racism. I mean that it could be argued that Silver does not relate to experiencing oppression for his romantic relationship the same way Flint does.

(Basically, it’s a little like this: Flint is like, “Don’t you see?! I lost the man I loved because I had a relationship with him that this shit society deemed unacceptable! They took everything away from me and treated me as a monster and everything I suffered is because of this society’s injustice. The only way to stop it is to put an end to this and change this society!”.

Whereas Silver is like: “Don’t you see?! We have people and things we hold dear, we need to prevent harm from happening to them. Continuing an impossible war will only lead us to lose more than we already have. We don’t ultimately have the certainty that we will be able to change anything!”

And neither of them is… completely wrong. As usual, there is room for nuance and I feel like both characters have valid and understandable motives.)

Again, this latter interpretation however only holds up if we consider Silver to be straight, which we don’t really explicitly know though. I’m going to contradict myself immediately, since I mostly headcanon him as bi, and as I said, his love for Flint is undeniable, regardless of how romantic or erotic you believe it is.

To wrap it all up: there’s a fundamental gap in communication between Silver and Flint, leading them to fall apart even after and even despite the deep connection they have, and this breaks my fucking heart.

okayodysseus:

local psych and writing major ~~with bad grammar~~ here to tell you about subtle body language shit people do when they’re talking to help out with writing interactions:

note that people who are high self monitors will notice these behaviors more often and can adapt to different conversations more than those who are low self monitors, who may not realize that they are reacting inappropriately in a situation.

second note that we only remember a fraction of dialogue and conversation, what sticks in our mind is how a person made us feel during the conversation

women, parents, good teachers, and actors are more sensitive to gestures and expressions and noticing subconscious behaviors in others.

please note that some of this may not apply to everyone, keep in mind where these social situations could change for your neurodivergent, mentally ill, and disabled characters

under the cut, i go through non-verbal interaction, gestures, personal space, and eye contact

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Very helpful for would-be writers